I am picking up this topic probably a sensitive one. I haven’t touched this topic in last so many years but i feel we should bring out this. In Indian society we all are bound to obey our parents irrespective of if they are doing right or wrong. Well this is my own blog so i have the full right to write my own views not necessary you have to accept you might have a different experience altogether.
Well when i see the trend our our fore fathers etc in Eastern countries its mostly in a way that the kids should become the “buddhapey ka sahara” for there kids like on whom they can just depend for every need be monetary or transport etc the kids however old they may be dont have much right to take decisions of there own.I am not saying its wrong but its stereotyping its high time the parents also need to have understanding about there kids needs when they are matured enough to take there own life decisions.
Most of the time our decisions are based on the opinion which our parents just force on us. I do agree at times their opinions are right and may work for us but its not necessary everything they say is 100% correct. I feel as we grow we learn and we often do commit mistakes and eventually learn and avoid those mistakes and become wise. Some of us become matured by like 18 and few post 25 few by 30 and few never grow up only.
Problem with Indian parenting is the sole goals is to get married then give birth to kids and then eventually there education and there marriage these things becomes the priority for parents. It traditional way if i look at it it is fine but its not necessary every time. Post they retire thy will keep reminding you only of the amount of money they spent on your upbringing and education.
Human being have there own needs and lookout for freedom and goals and we crave to achieve them.Sometimes our parents become so controlling it suffocates us be choosing the dresses to the kind of friends we make i agree till teenage its fine but post that i feel parents should become friends more then over dominating because this rather causes trauma for there child.
I am not sure when i will grow up as an parent how will be my behavior towards my kids but one thing i will always ensure that how much i love them or care i will ensure its in healthy way not toxicating that they end up feelings suffocated and stop being themselves.
I read it somewhere that strict parents gives birth to fantastic liars cnt deny it. Indeed true i have seen many its because they try to control alot be going somewhere, be the dress they want to wear etc.when our parents control just to keep them happy we tend to lie. I feel when become more open and frank to your parents that rather make the bond more precious or valuable then the one where you play hide and seek. Who like to lie in life nobody until they are force to.
Our parents sometime come to us stating they are our friends and we should share everything as we a family but the fact of the matter they will ensure you share things in a moment of jest but they will ensure to add there own insecurities and anger which eventually will turn into taunts, beating up someone or in form of abuses.
In anger person doesn’t have control and they just tend to hurt other because they themselves are so badly hurt they end up saying certain words and abuses which hurt the others at a deep level.
Some parents they keep a track of their kids so much be stalking there social media or calling up there friends asking there kids whereabouts etc restricting there movements and not letting them do what they want be a choice of career or be a life partner. See you can be possessive, caring, loving its good after all you gave birth to your kids but once they are adult they should be given enough space to decide on there own because tomorrow when you wont be there they have to decide there life decision by own you cant make them so dependent.
Why is that all parents constant worry is society?? what will the neighbor say if my son/ daughter doesn’t score same as sharmaji son. How will i face people if my daughter marry a guy from other community. etc.Come on take a deep breathe its you who nurtured those kids of your its they who will be with you when you will be dying you need to worry about their happiness then thinking about the society what people will say etc.let the society say think do whatever they want its your internal family matter . When does society dont have issue indeed on there wedding day they will come and eat and complain about the decor/ food and move on just for a day event why to screw someone life. This society peer pressure always make our parents force things on us be career or marriage and we always end up compromising as we cnt say no to hurt them as we love them so much and at the end we are not happy about things either post compromising and confining our wants.
I just want to quote one example of a dear friend of mine i saw this guy fighting for his girlfriend and taking stand for her since last 4 yrs and he had been committed to her from last 8yrs. he stood like a rock to marry.The whole thing both families are denying because of caste and horoscope its surprising right we at 21st century who give a damn about horoscope instead of focusing on what society and people will say they should rather focus on there kids happiness. In order to object thing we often hurt our kids so much that they stop trusting and stop sharing things.I truly salute this guy who is still not loosing hope and trying his level best to convince both the families.
I agree you can beat your kids and scream when they are kids but you cnt do same when they are grown ups.It will rather make them distant from you then making them close they will give up on their own dreams as subconsciously you have done your emotional blackmail on them making them feel guilty of thing when in reality they were right.
First thing every parents should do is trust there kids fully and know them fully what they are, how there character is before feeling insecure or venting anger for any reason. because when you dnt trust them that leaves them with resentment then feeling good about themselves there self confidence goes for a toss and they feel afraid of doing anything of the fear of being judged by there own parents. I am sure 80% of Indian population have same story.
I have watched a movie Bommarillu which defines about a guy “siddharth” who is a hypocrite when he at home and when he with his friends the reason because his parents are over caring and controlling and his love for them is so much that he act to be the ideal son which his parents expects and in the process he lies and become a hypocrite. He even loose himself in the process when he fell in love with the kind of girl he wanted to be with as he try to mould her also so that she is accepted by his family.
I also have a friend who left his girlfriend of 6yrs solely because his family were looking for a girl from there community and at the end he ended up marrying the girl his parents choose of same caste etc only to get divorced in 6 months time as the girl happen to have a affair with someone else. Now he is struggling to get back to his ex whose family isnt agreeing now as he got the tag of a divorcee. see another example how two lives been destroyed and unhappiness cloud surrounded.
When you cnt try to understand and have a straight talk with your own kids how could you expect them to understand you this is one major reason why we say we all have generation gap in reality its not generation gap its the mindset and the society pressure which actually makes your parents to act so weird at times.
They really need to understand things and this can be done only when you can communicate well by sitting with your kids and have a open discussion rather then judgments or venting out anger and screaming. Often anger leads to uncontrollable things and statements which are hurtful, try to be calm and composed every individual has the right to be happy in there life as we have only one life
Parents are biggest asset to us so are we to them so its s symbiosis process we need to balance things equally so both are happy it cnt be always judgmental and forceful basis one side opinion.
Mantra: Communicate with adults like adults not like they are toddlers who dont know how to behave or take decision give rights to them probably they also know things in a much better way.