We all have our set of expectations as well as perceptions in every sphere of life.
Some of us get matured with age and few were more matured before there age and quite systematic in their way. Life gives us various experiences and get the best out of us making us stronger every time we face a hardship.
A true saying often expectations leads to disappointments and it hold true when only one person is way to honest then the other.
I am going to talk about a relationship indeed a one sided relationship where there is one giver and other is just a taker. You are astonished right I am talking about relationship and going to talk only about one?? Well I am going to say the emotions and suffering the giver has always.
So, I am going to tell a story about a friend of mine, “Arti”.
Arti was a fun loving chilled girl who always cares for her people, be family, friends. call her at 3 am she is right up there to help you out, be helping a friend struck in Oslo at night 12 or helping friend fix up his issues with his girl.
She was that friend who always goes the extra mile just to see a smile on her close people be surprising them with many stuffs or making the best collage.
Life is so unexpected, she was an independent girl with her own circle of friends and family which supports and love her loads. She never had so much time to look outside her circle and to look for someone who probably can love her more then her people.
As she was growing old and the pressure of marriage was increasing she decided to create her matrimony profile just the next day post her 28th bday as everyone was behind her to get settled in life.
Years ago ,Arti had loved someone and trusted too much at the end was betrayed and left alone. Her trust was broken badly and her hope from someone loving her more then her circle was lost. She engrossed herself so much in work that rarely she had time to think about all this. She confined herself and her happiness within her circle and kept herself so much into work, friends and solitude.
It wasn’t she was a loner it was just that she didn’t wanted to showcase her vulnerable side to anybody again to be broken.
Eventually it’s been more than half a decade since the last time she was broken and now at this stage she wasn’t looking for chocolate love story or to be playful that why she registered for a matrimony not tinder.
There is a saying when things has to happen it will happen and when you try to mend things as you want it wont happen something similar happen with her. She set her filters ready of the kind of person she is looking for as her husband post consultation with her parents. They were very clear about the community and religion for which she obliged.
So, one fine day a request was accepted and numbers exchanged and profile seemed to exactly the same she was looking for. She wanted someone who should be completely opposite of her.
They had an instant connection and continued to chat for long hours throughout the day.
Days passed so did month and they both were in fix whats going, for her she felt he the guy she wanted but he was confused as he didn’t feel the way he should.
Arti started being bit pushy and thought marriage is also a compromise she agreed to all the terms and conditions laid by the guy be religion, dreams, work etc. Sometime we tend to change ourselves in order to get happiness and loose ourselves in the process. Same happened to her she was ready to compromise on her values and principle for a guy who just doesn’t even care how her day go?. The regular chats decreased to one liners and at the end it was she who kept messaging and there was a robotic reply.
Eventually, she realized he not the one for her and ignored him as time passed this guy came back but most of the time it was arguments and debates which end up in further bad things and bitterness. The guy accused her for what she was never ,statements like you are a attention seeker, feminist etc. which in reality wasn’t Arti.
He never understood her nor ever tried to know her he only knew was he himself and his ideology. He never cared to the extend she did. She always wanted to know more about him what colour he likes what food he prefers etc.
In the whole process she lost herself forgetting what she needs and what her wants. Marriage isn’t about one person its also about understanding each other and there likes etc. She use to call him up he never answered nor ever bothered to call her back he did one fine day after 7 months just to talk for an hour explaining about himself his friend circle and the most talkative girl was just listening to him and he was trying to tell she not the one he wants a thing which she knew already but she couldn’t say anything. Sometime our heart takes time to understand what our brain already knows.
This what happens when you genuinely feel and like someone but its one sided.we loose ourselves just to accommodate other may be because we think way too much that we need to settle, everyone is settling why its not happening and that’s when we go wrong. They met after 9 months only to realize they were very very different. She felt bad offended not that the meeting went bad but for the time she spent in daydreaming and the time she invested in knowing someone in spite realizing he not the one for her.As it was after a long time she showed her vulnerable side to someone shared everything about her life her insecurities only to realize he was not worth it. Yes it was painful and it was hurtful not because of the rejection spree but for the amount of time wasted. Be waiting for his message late night at 2-3am as per IST or messaging him at morning and checking how his day going.
I wont blame arti for what happened it was because she again trusted someone wrongly and became too easy to fall. Situations and often wrong timing to be blamed. Left nothing only hurt. She was genuine but as the experience went bitter she wont indulge herself again with someone and became too cautious. Why is that we drain ourselves so much and give whatever we can and revolve ourselves around one person and get obsessed about them?? When that person just dont give a damn of what you doing whether you are alive or dead.
These experiences make us doubt our own self-esteem and self-respect where we give rights to someone else to treat us badly. Our self-confidence is hurt and it make us think how good are we and do we have those qualities to be bad. No, here you go wrong never let your self confidence and self respect bow down. Keep yourself high and always love yourself first then giving so much to others. Never let someone treat you like a thrash and make you feel unwanted and desperate.
The moment you feel someone is treating you that way take a step back and ignore and move ahead.
The one who will love you will accept you with all your flaws they dont need you to have all best qualities. They will know and understand you without even explaining yourself and telling anything. They will be curious to know you and feel you are a unique person and appreciate you for what you do. Every individual has their own world and are busy in it, it really takes loads of efforts for someone to truly check with you how you doing and care for you. Now a days its very rare to find someone who would genuinely care. So, whenever someone does just respond them and appreciate the effort they put to check how you doing not necessary you have to commit or something but be good and straight to people with what in your mind rather than giving mixed signals which leads to confusions. Don’t be dishearten that you cared, loved so much but you didn’t get in return. its ok to be hurt at times but never let your self respect go down just to have someone in life. When its meant to be it will happen in the process keep your busy and love yourself. Its loss to the one who missed it not your loss as you still the beautiful and strong soul who had the guts to like someone who just wasn’t meant to be. It takes courage again to like someone after been hurt earlier.
Always, remember it’s you who you have to love as you grow old often we fix it stating I am happy because of this person and he / she got happiness in my life. No, my dear you are wrong here its you who gave the right to yourself to be happy in his/ her presence. Cheer up go out do what you love be hiking, travelling, dancing do what all makes you happy when you love yourself more then only you can give to someone and in this process you will know what you love and you don’t have to compromise for anything and settle for something less then you deserve.
Life gives you chances to meet people to always get best out of you, take it as experience never let it make you feel bad rather be thankful to the people you meet as it got best out of you making you realize what you are and what you deserve.
Be Happy!!! Spread Happiness !!:)